Saturday, May 3, 2008

Chick Flick Recipe

This past week was one of the most physically demanding ones of my life. I started in a new department at Nike. In Nike World you start at the bottom of the food chain and evolve into a predator that bosses around others on the food chain. In my last department I was evolved. In my new department I’m bait. I spent the week loading trailers. It is hard enough coming from a desk job to a hard core blue collar back braking grueling position, but to put in 11 hour days loading trailers was a test of physical endurance for the strongest of body mind and character. In my first week three new huge young well built guys quit because the work was to physically demanding. By the end of the week I was exhausted and as a result I let down my man guard and agreed to watch yet another chick flick. I’m now living in the world of regret for subjecting myself to a family sized bucket of Kentucky Fried Chick Flicken. If you have seen one chick flick, you have seen them all. At least in the Rocky movies and in the Star Wars movies they numbered the episodes. Why don’t they number the chick flick episodes?

The genius of the Chic Flick is that it evokes the emotional heart of a woman to idealistic romance. The cruel part of the Chick Flick is that it evokes the emotional heart of a woman to idealistic romance. The bad news for the men who suffer through the chick flick is it evokes the emotional heart of a woman to idealistic romance. Women resonate, identify and idolize the main character because they share her story. They long for romance; they desire to find their own amazing love story. Men find the Chick Flick emotionally sappy and difficult to stomach because we are just men. The Chick Flick robs us of our dignity, self respect, and mental well being, by forcing us to deal with life on an emotional basis. The truth of the matter is that the cute guy who wins the girl at the end of the movie doesn’t watch chick flicks either and the girl who falls in love with him loves that about the cute guy.

So here is my recipe for almost every chick flick. I have listed 21 ingredients. Most chick flicks contain 75% of these ingredients. Please let me know your thoughts.

1) Very beautiful young lady experiences hardship or trauma. Usually it is the death of her mother or pet hamster.

2) As a result beautiful young lady is quirky and slightly unbalanced.

3) Beautiful young lady is very likable and has good morale character, and though she is gorgeous, cute guys don’t notice her.

4) Beautiful young lady secret ambition is to be loved by the perfect man. Beautiful young lady is idealistic, hopelessly romantic, and painfully single.

5) Beautiful young lady has a cool job because she is strong, independent, and smarter then everyone else, however she is too humble to notice how awesome she truly is.

6) Beautiful young lady is liked by everyone and people always take advantage of her kindness.

7) Beautiful young lady has a best friend who is morally inferior and slightly not as good looking, but will at some point speak morale truth into Beautiful young lady's life. Best friend typically gives the speech in point #17.

8) Beautiful young lady always has a nemesis that is just as good looking, but is self centered, selfish, conceited, and rude.

9) Beautiful young lady meets a cute guy that is nothing like her idealistic dream guy.

10) Beautiful young lady is annoyed by cute guy and they exchange playful banter and intelligent arguments for most of the movie. The cute guy is the only one who understands her true beauty and is in love with her from the time they meet.

11) Beautiful young lady kisses cute guy.

12) Beautiful young lady runs away from cute guy

13) Very good looking nemesis steals cute guy.

14) Beautiful young lady realizes she to loves cute guy.

15) Cute guy is stupid.

16) Beautiful young lady and cute guy fight.

17) Beautiful young lady has a life changing awakening and overcomes her personal shortcomings.

18) Beautiful young lady kicks very good looking nemesis’s butt.

19) Very good looking nemesis loses cute guy.

20) Beautiful young lady kisses cute guy and they have premarital sex.

21) Beautiful young lady and cute guy get married.

1 comment:

Boyd said...

Yeah yeah. That's what they teach in film class. I would say though that somewhere after 17 that "Either Cute Guy or Beautiful Girl is in the process of leaving (plane flight, car ride, horseback expedition) when the other regrets their decision (#17) and hastily chases after the one leaving". It's debatable.