Help Wanted: Mom

Help Wanted:
One amazing individual. We offer no pay or benefits, little gratitude, absolutely no chance of advancement, and extremely long hours with little sleep.
Must be able to make three great meals per day, plus snacks, clean, do laundry, clean, chuffer clients to various events several times per day, clean, do more laundry, serve as Yard Specialist, clean, help with school functions and homework and as a Teachers Assistant.
You must be a nurse, clean, manage and purchase kitchen inventory, procure, retrieve and operate household equipment.
You must be able to lift over 50 LBS, and give great hugs.
You must be an Office assistant.
You must be an excellent Accountant, and operate on a strict budget.
You must be a Consular, and Spiritual Mentor.
You must be an Event Coordinator.
You must be of excellent moral character, and able to instill those attributes into clients.
You must be able to work a full or part time job to maintain and support clients.
You must be selfless, thoughtful, caring, compassionate, patient, kind, nurturing, and above all the very essence of love.
You must do windows.

Please apply for this position by submitting a resume and your life to the Unwin Family Household Disorganization. We are an unequal opportunity employer dedicated to taking advantage of you on a daily basis. Applicants will be exposed to excessive whining, complaining, and rude smelly bodily functions.

Michelle,
Kaylee, Noah and I love you. Thank you for being Mom. You are absolutely amazing! We so need you.
Happy Mothers Day.