Super Pooper

"Stevey wonders, what the poop? In my 22 years of marriage I have had the honor of owning three dogs, of which two have performed amazing acts of pooping. First there was my dog Kirby. Kirby was a legendary pooper. Kirby would start his pooping ritual in our kitchen, start running as fast as he could and poop. We would sit on our couch and Kirby would fly by followed by tumbling projectiles of stinky-ness. As much as I hated him pooping the house, I have to admit that I always got a good laugh from Kirby's display of pooping prowess. Kirby was also able to perform gravity defying poop tricks. He would often leave disgusting poop sculptures that would break all natural laws of physics. Kirby was able to stand a single poop longways straight up into the air. One was so amazing that I put a glass over it and saved it until Michelle returned from work. It was so straight and high that one could fly a flag from it. I was tempted to call friends over and show them this pooping miracle but my poor wife was disgusted by a poop preserved under glass. Our new dog Moe I'm embarrassed to say enjoys poop. You have heard it said " One man's garbage is another man's treasure." well in in our house we have a new saying "one dog's poop is another dog's dinner." Yes it is true! My dog enjoys eating a nice meal of manure. I find this both repulsive and puzzling. For one, my dog refuses to eat his own dog food, and two, eww he eats poop! Can you imagine how the dog food competitors of Moe's dog food could use this for their financial benefit? "Moe's dog food is so bad that dogs prefer their own poop. Try our dog food at least it isn't poop, or "our dog food is so tasty that dogs love it (even after it has been digested.) I wish my dogs enjoyment of poop stopped there, however Moe's fascination with poop goes from gross and disgusting to repulsive and horrifying. My dog unfortunately loves to bathe, roll, and condition his hair in poop. I typically take Moe for 3-4 walks every day. If I'm not careful Moe will find a pile, taste, then if he like the flavor Moe will jump in and roll around. The first time this happened I was unaware of this distasteful ritual. I thought to myself "isn't Moe cute. He is rolling around in the grass trying to scratch an itch." to my horror my nose was assaulted by the fruit of his enjoyment. In our household we have borrowed a slogan Mountain Dew and we call this behavior "doing the dew" or "just dew it". I also find this ritual puzzling because Moe hates to bathe in soap and water. What in the world is my dog thinking? "Wow this poop is both tasty and aromatic, perhaps I should roll around in it so that I can share its awesome properties with my owners." For those of you who visit our home please know, you may receive a friendly kiss from one loving and excited dog. Please be aware that to Moe's amusement you might be saying along with me, "what the poop."