Sunday, April 5, 2009
Numb in the Bum
So how does one know that they are becoming a lazy no good couch potato? Thankfully the good Lord has recently equipped me with an early detection device. This past year my back forty has developed a super human power perception. Some have sensitive feelings, others have sensitive taste buds, I have a sensitive cooley. Anytime I’m sitting for a prolonged period of time my cheeks go numb in protest. The worst part of this super human gift is that if I don’t equally distribute my weight across the length of my assets, one cheek will sing in happiness while the other cheek will feel as though it just went to the dentist. My bum goes numb. When this happens I know that it is time to get up and restore the happy place that circulation and feeling brings to my bottom’s well being. Although the reduction of circulation in my derriere is cause for some concern I’m a little embarrassed to go to the doctor. What advise would the medical profession offer? “Stand up and massage often.” “We will need to see if there is any blockage in the veins in your cheeks. How does booty angioplasty sound?” “Have you considered butt rehabilitation?” For the life of me, I can’t think one compelling reason to have a doctor find the source of my special gift. I guess the big moral in this sad tail (ok that was bad) is that Krispy Kreme doughnuts really do come back to bite you in the end. So if perhaps someday I have the privilege of gracing your home please excuse me for getting up every 30 minutes or so to restore harmony and feeling to my posterior universe.